Keeping Your Dirty Laundry Out ff The Courtroom
Amanda Silver, mediation expert and co-host of Dirty Laundry: The Divorce Podcast, dishes on why mediation beats courtroom drama, protects your privacy and keeps your family—and your finances—intact.
By Amanda Silver
So, you’ve decided to separate. Now what? The common belief is that separation equals lawyers equals court. I am here to tell you otherwise. Yes, there’s a time and place for litigation—when assets are being hidden, negotiations have collapsed or there are serious safety concerns. And there are excellent litigators out there. But those cases are the exception, not the rule.
Most divorces settle without ever stepping foot in a courtroom. And here’s why: court means long wait times (months before the litigants even get a conference date), costs that can run into the tens—or even hundreds—of thousands of dollars, and having a complete stranger decide your family’s future. On top of that, court proceedings are public, so your personal life and all of your dirty laundry become part of the official public record.
The solution? Mediation.
Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution process that keeps you in control. Every decision is one you and your former partner agree on. Unlike court, it’s voluntary—no one can force you to be there. There’s no “better parent” award, no winner or loser, just a family working toward solutions that meet everyone’s needs.
One of mediation’s biggest strengths is its ability to reduce conflict, both now and in the years ahead. In court, you argue to win. In mediation, you collaborate to solve problems. Along the way, you build communication and problem-solving skills that help prevent future disputes. The document you create becomes your roadmap for those inevitable tense days, giving you a plan to follow instead of a fight to relive.
Want a summer parenting schedule that’s different from the rest of the year? Done. Want to rent out the family home instead of selling it right away? Also, possible. Mediation allows you to be as creative and detailed as you like, tailoring the plan to your family’s unique needs.
The cost savings? Significant.
Litigation, arbitration and even lawyer-to-lawyer negotiations can drain your finances quickly. Mediation, on the other hand, typically costs a fraction of a family lawyer’s hourly rate. While it’s still important to obtain independent legal advice, that’s usually a small, fixed expense rather than an open-ended legal bill. When you’re dividing one household into two, every dollar matters, and keeping more of your money within the family instead of paying it out to professionals simply makes sense.
Now back to that dirty laundry.
If you go to court, the decision—and the evidence used to reach it—becomes part of the public record. That means neighbours, colleagues or even future partners could access intimate details of your life. Mediation, on the other hand, is entirely private and confidential.
If you want to protect your privacy, your finances, and your peace of mind—while keeping conflict to a minimum—skip
the courtroom drama and call a mediator. Your future self will thank you.
Amanda Silver is the co-host of Dirty Laundry: The Divorce Podcast and founder of Forest Hill Mediation. She is an accredited family mediator, a child protection mediator, a court-rostered family mediator and an Ontario certified teacher. Silver is also a divorced mom who lives in Toronto with her two children.